Perfume Pagoda

This is Eric.

If you'd like to lose five pounds in a day, visit Chua Huong (Perfume Pagoda) on the hottest day of the year. That's what we did yesterday. Luckily we did it as part of a tour. Had we, as I initially suggested, taken the motorbike, I would be dead or divorced right now. And deservedly so. It was a 2 hour drive there and and back through narrow, dusty roads featuring 50-mph truckers who haven't looked before turning in 15 years. Add that to being sweatier than the arm pit of a gorilla in a space suit, at least six million stairs, and a 40-pound two year old, and even an all-male jury of Arabs would have acquitted Wendi for spousal homicide.

As it was, though, the day was fantastic. Pearce, as always, was phenomenal. And Wendi and I got to see arguably the coolest pagoda in Vietnam for less than $25.

We woke up at 5:30 and were picked up by a bus driver who decided to run errands for 30 minutes before taking us to meet our guide and fellow travelers. I wanted to say something, but I'd decided not to speak Vietnamese during the trip in order to spare us of the constant, "Why do you speak Vietnamese? Why don't you have a Vietnamese wife? Do you want one? I have a cousin?" conversations.

Finally, we left Hanoi and were given a new driver. But he ended up worse than the first. When we finally arrived in Ben Duc village (about 70 km southwest of Hanoi) where the river ride to Perfume Pagoda starts, our driver cruised right past the boat launch so he could get to his smokes quicker. Our guide, Tuan, asked him why he was being such a jerk, and the driver responded, "They're just dumb tourists anyway. They won't know the difference."

That was enough for me. I broke my promise and laid into him. But to no avail. We had passed the boat launch already and he wasn't going to lose face and turn around. He lied that he was following company 'policy.' To which I wished him a future full of lung cancer. My cover was blown, but it ended up being fine. Our guide, Tuan, was cool, and understood that it was rude to speak a language nobody else in the group understood.
The ride along Yen Vi river in our small metal canoe amidst the surrounding karst limestone mountains carpeted in green was peaceful despite it feeling like we were under a McDonalds heat lamp wrapped in saran wrap . Pearce kept dragging his hand in the water to the displeasure of our rower. She grumbled that his little fist was causing excess drag. I thought about countering that his hand was hardly big enough, but when I turned and saw that she was almost 80-years-old, I shut-up and pulled Pearce away from the edge. I had turned into the jerk. An 80-year-old rowing four fat Westerners in 90-degree, 10 million percent humidity for an hour at mid-day! Just think about her the next time you're about to whine about your job.

Perfume Pagoda is actually a series of pagodas in the Huong Son Mountains. Viets usually visit in the springtime, especially during the annual Chua Huong festival a few weeks after Tet (late February). In fact, during Chua Huong festival more than 100,000 pilgrims crowd the area. On August 16, 2008, however, there were only about 50 pilgrims. Every single one, a dumb tourist like us, hopelessly fanning their slimy bodies with futile paper fans. Why no Viets? Because Viets have brains. August is only a good time to visit if you're a cryogenic patient trying to hasten your thaw process.

We landed at the first pagoda of Den Trinh (The Shrine for First Presenting) after about an hour on the river. If we were Viet pilgrims, this would be the start of a three-day journey. We would sleep in one of the thousands of tents that spring up during the festival. Luckily, we were not pilgrims intent on visiting all 17 pagodas. Instead, we had our sights on two. The pictures of the first, Den Trinh, follow:

Pearce spent most of his time at this temple fanning the bugs.

Thank Buddha the Japanese funded the construction of a tram to the main pagoda. Otherwise we'd still be hiking. As it was, we blissfully rode atop of Huong Son Mountain, then hiked another couple thousand stairs to the main Perfume Pagoda.Wendi & Pearce creep down into the main Pagoda, Chua Trong--really just a cave. The steps were soaked and slippery.The Perfume Pagoda got its name from a nun who used to worship at this temple in 13th century. Apparently, she finally reached nirvana and left this earth. On that day, the entire mountain bloomed, filling all surrounding villager nostrils with an intense, pleasant aroma...thus the Perfume Pagoda.


Our journey back seemed half as long, and half as hot. When we finally arrived at home at 6 p.m., Wendi and agreed that it was the coolest pagoda we've seen in Nam.